And so i’ve failed.

Hari kamis kemarin gue dapet. heheh. kecewa? pastinya. i had a really high hopes on this one. tapi selama 2 minggu nunggu hasil ini gue berubah jadi orang lain. i get very tempered. i yelled at people for some unknown reasons. i did nothing at work. i cried very very easily, i hurt my love ones. and it even get worse by the time PMS coming.

Did i cried when i found out that i failed?, no. i’m not crying, i hatehatehate the fact 1 bulan lagi belum bisa hamil but i’m not crying. i got a superb husband who always back me up even when i said “baby, i’m tired.. i don’t think i can do this anymore, i’m sorry”. dan jawaban Andri bikin gue mau nangis, he said “you know how much i love you, baby? aku sangat sayang sama kamu sampai kalo (amit2) kita hidup berdua terus sampai mati pun aku mau, i’m willing to give up my hopes and dreams if that makes you happy”.

girls, that’s what i called a true love.

terus gimana? ya berhenti. i pulled out my courage yesterday untuk bilang “boleh ditunda dulu? tekanannya terlalu besar, aku stress, sayang..” i’m somewhat ready if andri got really pissed off. but he did not. he just said it’s ok, i’m with you all the way.

please, don’t feel sorry for me. masih banyak orang lain yang lebih mengharapkan hamil daripada gue. gue dan andri sepakat untuk balik lagi ke fase pasrah-rela-ikhlas, tanpa mengharapkan apa2, karena kalo gue mengharapkan gue hamil, gue yg kemarin kembali lagi. i got stressed out. and i don’t like it.

i love my life right now, alhamdulillah for everything i had and will have. i’m not gonna waste it, i’ll try to livin as happy as i can be.

thank you so much my dear friends, your encouragement thru facebook and BBm really means a lot to me.